Who else is finding it hard to move on from heartbreak?
We had been together for 2 years and he traveled. The next thing I saw was traditional wedding photos, there was no quarrel or fight.
He went back to his ex that he swore never to have anything with him, not only did he go back, they got married too.
My inbox is filled with so many heartbreaking stories from my last week's article.
I read some and my eyes go watery because I have experienced my share of these negative emotions.
I met him through a friend and we started dating. I remembered that he uoften said I helped him get his life back on track after a messy breakup.
After constantly traveling across states on both sides and getting the stamp of approval from both siblings and relatives that matter, he popped the question on our 2nd anniversary. We decided that he should inform his parents of his proposal since they already knew we were dating.
He traveled and upon his return, I received a text saying it was over. I remember feeling like I was short of air in the car, I came down from the car and couldn't stop walking, I was so confused.
At first, I kept denying that it was not true, there was a mix-up somewhere, I insisted on a facial meeting to be sure, we met and he repeated the same thing he sent through text when I asked why he said his parents did not agree to the union.
Then anger crept in, why should that be an excuse, after all, they knew we were dating, why didn't they caution you before allowing me to introduce you to my whole family? How do I explain this to them?
I began to bargain, was it because I am a catholic, I would change, was it because I don't call often? I was ready to change my personality to fit in so I could be accepted.
His answer remained the same, it was over, he made it more hurtful, he walked away.
I cried constantly for 3mths, I refusedto leave my room for weeks, it hurt so badly.
I cannot tell you not to feel pain or determine how you bleed, but I can tell you what to do not to stay bleeding for too long bleeding.
Heartbreak isn't easy. Whether you're the one who initiated the breakup or the one who was broken up with, breaking up is never fun.
If it's any consolation, you're not the only one who has felt this way. Many smart, successful and famous people have been in the same position that you find yourself and they're all the wiser for it.
You just may be able to learn a thing or two from ways to get over the pain at your pace.
Let the pain flow:
You are not a robot or machine that picks up immediately after a repair is done. You are human, let the human nature in you flow, do what you do when you accidentally cut yourself with a knife or when you accidentally hit your hand with a hammer, you clinch and feel the pain for some time, you do not abandon the finger, you start using it gradually.
Next time, when you are using a knife or a hammer, you are very mindful of your fingers. Treat your heart like this and you will be fine.
Cut off from your ex until you have healed:
How do you feel when you try to open a deep cut on your body, the pain is extra compared to when you just had the cut, you get comfortable visiting the cut when it is dried up and healed.
Scrolling through your ex's Facebook page or Instagram page or WhatsApp status when you cannot handle what you find there will keep you feeling betrayed. Visiting their social media page or the text message you exchanged while still dating will keep you bleeding for long.
What he or she is doing with his life during this time of pain should not be your business, stay away from asking about their whereabouts or their routine from close associates so you do not go back to Egypt.
Find a support system:
Even God said this in the Bible "it is not good for man to be alone" so he created Eve to support Adam.
In this context, you need the good friends and non-romantic relationships you have nurtured over time. One of the rules in the Dating game is do not undermine the place of good friends or family members when in a relationship because you will need them. The period of heartbreak is one good time they step in for you to cheer you up and aid your healing process.
The last support system you need is going into another relationship to kill the pain. This will only launch you into more disappointment and heartbreak. Nobody wants to be with the one who has baggage.
Identify and Eliminate Unhealthy Behaviors:
A heartbreak is also called disappointment because you were expecting a result but you got another.
As the pain subsides, consider things you should have done or things you should not have done to get a better result, things like asking the right questions, staying away from pre-marital sex, sticking to the right morals, and much more.
Don't personalize the breakup:
You didn't initiate the breakup, yes it might be something you did or something about you that does not mean there is something wrong with you, You didn't create yourself, someone will come along who will be very comfortable with who you are and the qualities you portray. One man's meat is another man's poison remember.
You do not have the power:
Forgiveness is not in your power. Are you surprised? To forgive is a grace from God, it is only God that can lighten the heaviness you carry at heart.
If you do not have a personal relationship with your creator, forgiveness can be difficult. Unforgiveness leaves you with a scar and a mask, go to God for grace to let go because your unforgiveness will not hinder the other person from being happy. They have moved on.
I pray you find healing not from going into another relationship to kill the pain but from healing from the pain you feel on your terms.