You can find gold, but if you don’t refine it, it’ll still look like trash. Long time no article. Let me gist you before I face the work that pays me. A lady got married to her “perfect man.” Tall, fine, spirit filled, earns well, gentle, and even helped her wash plates when they were dating. She said, “I’ve hit the jackpot. This one is different. We communicate well, we pray together, we never fight. "Fast forward to one year in marriage: She called her friend crying at 11:30 PM. Why? Because “Mr. Perfect” just told her, “I’m not your houseboy” when she asked him to help bathe their baby. The same man that used to kneel to propose dinner dates is now dodging responsibilities like it’s dodgeball. What changed? Nothing changed. Life just started. I’ve heard it one too many times: "Once I find the right person, everything will fall into place.”Fall into place where? See, it’s not about finding the right person.It’s about what both of you are willing to do after you say “I do.”You can marry the most compatible person and still suffer emotionally if neither of you puts in the work.The problem is many of you are hunting for the “ready-made partner” like it’s a Black Friday deal. You want someone who will complete you, serve you, understand you, fix you, while you bring your untrained attitude and TikTok advice into a sacred institution.Ask people who are married. Not the ones posting matching outfits on Instagram. Ask the ones who have had to fight through real life storms and still chose each other over and over again.People have found the “right one” and still walked away from each other. Why? Because one or both didn’t have the maturity, patience, humility or grit to build.You can find gold, but if you don’t refine it, it’ll still look like trash.Marriage is not about finding someone perfect. It’s about building something beautiful with an imperfect human who’s willing to build with you.So stop waiting for a “ready-made” marriage experience. There’s no plug-and-play here. This is not Jumia.Let me break it to you gently but firmly:You can marry the most compatible person and still have a hot mess of a marriage if both of you don’t put in the work.Love is not enough.Being best friends is not enough.Even with both of you having “daddy G.O” as spiritual father is not enough.You’ll still face moments where you want to scream, cry, or sleep in separate rooms and it’s not because you married the wrong person. It’s because marriage demands emotional maturity and sacrificial living and many of you are not ready for that part.Do you want a good marriage?Then choose someone who’s teachable. Who’s not always trying to win. Who listens, apologizes, learns, and grows.And even then, get ready to show up on hard days when nothing makes sense and you feel like packing your bags and running to your mother’s house.If you think finding the right person means automatic peace, joy and unlimited cuddles, you’re in for a rude awakening.A good marriage is not found. It is built.Brick by brick. Decision by decision. Sacrifice after sacrifice. Daily. In sweat, tears, apologies, learning and unlearning.If you’re not ready to build, then don’t marry.And if you’re already married and still waiting for it to magically “feel right” wake up. You’ve got work to do.So if you’re still waiting to “find the right person” so that marriage will be easy, let me help you now.Wake up.Fairytales don’t build strong homes. Commitment, effort, humility, and God do.